1 00:00:08,591 --> 00:00:10,468 Ooh! Careful, Homer! 2 00:00:10,593 --> 00:00:12,971 There's no time. We're late. 3 00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:17,684 O little town of Bethlehem 4 00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:18,977 O little town of Bethlehem 5 00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:23,773 How still we see the elie 6 00:00:23,898 --> 00:00:26,568 -Excuse me. Pardon me. 7 00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,570 - Sorry. Excuse me. - Hey, Norman, how's it goin'? 8 00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,572 So you got dragged down here too, huh? 9 00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,574 - How you doin', Fred? - Sorry. Excuse me. 10 00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:34,576 - Yeah. 'Scuse me. Oh! 11 00:00:34,659 --> 00:00:37,871 Pardon my galoshes. 12 00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:42,459 Are met in thee tonight 13 00:00:44,669 --> 00:00:47,088 Wasn't that wonderful? 14 00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:51,259 And now "Santas of many lands," 15 00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:54,888 as presented by the entire second grade class. 16 00:00:54,971 --> 00:00:57,474 Oh! Lisa's class. 17 00:00:57,599 --> 00:00:59,893 Frohliche Weihnachten. 18 00:00:59,976 --> 00:01:02,479 That's German for " Merry Christmas." 19 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:07,984 In Germany, Santa's servant Ruprecht gives presents to good children... 20 00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:11,279 and whipping rods to the parents of bad ones. 21 00:01:14,699 --> 00:01:16,576 Merry Kurisumasu. 22 00:01:16,659 --> 00:01:21,998 I am Hotseiosha, a japanese priest who acts like Santa Claus. 23 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,584 I have eyes in the back ofmy head... 24 00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:27,962 so children better behave when I'm nearby. 25 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:33,259 Now presenting Lisa Simpson... 26 00:01:33,385 --> 00:01:38,682 as Tawanga, the Santa Claus of the South Seas. 27 00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,684 Ooh, it's Lisa! That's ours. 28 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:58,993 Ah, the fourth grade will now favor us with a melody-- 29 00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:02,664 Uh, medley of holiday "flavorites." 30 00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:05,291 Dashing through the snow 31 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,794 In a one-horse open sleigh 32 00:02:07,877 --> 00:02:09,796 O'er the fields we go 33 00:02:09,879 --> 00:02:11,965 Laughing all the way Ha ha ha 34 00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:14,175 Bells on bobtail ring 35 00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:17,470 - Isn't Bart sweet, Homer? 36 00:02:17,595 --> 00:02:20,765 He sings like an angel. 37 00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:24,269 Oh, jingle bells Batman smells 38 00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:26,271 Robin laid an egg 39 00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:28,481 The Batmobile broke its wheel 40 00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:30,775 The joker got awa-- 41 00:02:30,775 --> 00:02:32,986 Jingle bells Jingle bells 42 00:02:33,069 --> 00:02:34,988 Jingle all 43 00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:37,282 The fifth grade will now favour us... 44 00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:42,370 with a scene from Charles, uh, Dickens' A Christmas Carol. 45 00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:47,000 How many grades does this school have? 46 00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:50,670 " Dear friends of the Simpson family, 47 00:02:50,795 --> 00:02:53,965 "We had some sadness and some gladness this year. 48 00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:56,468 " First, the sadness. Our little cat Snowball... 49 00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:59,679 "was unexpectedly run over and went to kitty heaven. 50 00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:02,390 "But we bought a new little cat, Snowball I. 51 00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:05,185 "So I guess life goes on. 52 00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:09,981 "Speaking of life going on, Grandpa's still with us, feisty as ever. 53 00:03:10,065 --> 00:03:11,983 " Maggie is walking by herself, 54 00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:15,695 "Lisa got straight A's, and Bart-- 55 00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:18,198 "Well, we love Bart. 56 00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:21,201 "The magic of the season has touched us all. 57 00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:23,495 Marge, haven't you finished that stupid letter yet? 58 00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:26,790 - " Homer sends his love. Happy holidays. - Marge! 59 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:29,167 - The Simpsons." - Marge, where's the extension cord? 60 00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:32,087 For heaven's sake, Homer. It's in the utility drawer. 61 00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,589 Sorry. I'm just a big kid. 62 00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:36,966 And I love Christmas so much. 63 00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:41,096 D'oh! 64 00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:43,264 All right, children, let me have those letters. 65 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:46,184 I'll send them to Santa's workshop at the North Pole. 66 00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:48,269 Oh, please. There's only one fat guy that brings us presents, 67 00:03:48,269 --> 00:03:50,271 and his name ain't Santa. 68 00:03:50,271 --> 00:03:53,566 Uh-- A pony? 69 00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:57,278 Oh, Lisa, you've asked for that for the last three years, 70 00:03:57,362 --> 00:04:00,865 and I keep telling you Santa can't fit a pony into his sleigh. 71 00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:02,867 Can't you take a hint? 72 00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:04,869 But I really want a pony, 73 00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:08,164 - and I've been really good this year. - Oh, dear. 74 00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:11,001 Maybe Bart is a little more realistic. 75 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,961 - A tattoo? - A what? 76 00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:15,380 Yeah! They're cool, and they last the rest of your life. 77 00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:18,174 you will not be getting a tattoo for Christmas. 78 00:04:18,299 --> 00:04:21,469 Yeah. If you want one, you'll have to pay for it out of your allowance. 79 00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:22,971 - All right! - Homer! 80 00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:24,973 - "Yello." 81 00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:26,975 - Marge, please. - Who's this? 82 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,977 May I please speak to Marge? 83 00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:31,896 - This is her sister, isn't it? - Is Marge there? 84 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:35,400 - Who shall I say is calling? - Marge, please. 85 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,695 It's your sister. Oh! 86 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:41,281 - Hello. - Hello, Marge. It's Patty. 87 00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:45,869 Selma and I couldn't be more excited about seeing our sister Christmas Eve. 88 00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:49,998 Well, Homer and I are looking forward to your visit too. 89 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,461 Somehow I doubt that Homer is excited. 90 00:04:54,586 --> 00:04:56,463 of all the men you could've married, 91 00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:59,466 I don't know why you picked one who's always so rude to us. 92 00:04:59,591 --> 00:05:01,885 - Good one, Dad. 93 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,679 Okay, kids, prepare to be dazzled. 94 00:05:04,763 --> 00:05:07,474 Marge, turn on the juice! 95 00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,395 - What do you think, kids? 96 00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:14,397 - Nice try, Dad. 97 00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,691 Just hold your horses, son. Hey, Simpson! 98 00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:20,570 - What is it, Flanders? - Do you think this looks okay? 99 00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:24,366 Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. 100 00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:25,867 - Oh! - Oh, neato! 101 00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:28,370 It's too bright. 102 00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,789 I oughta-- Flanders. What a big show-off. 103 00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:36,378 - Kids, wanna go Christmas shopping? - I do! 104 00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:38,963 - All right! The mall! - Go get your money. 105 00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:42,300 Tell us, Marge. Where have you been hiding the Christmas money? 106 00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:45,095 Oh, I have my secrets. 107 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,180 Turn around. 108 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:53,770 - you can look now. - Ooh! Big jar this year. 109 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,375 Oh, Bart, that's so sweet. 110 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,877 It's the best present a mother could get, 111 00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:20,463 and it makes you look so dangerous. 112 00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:25,301 - One " Mother," please. 113 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,262 Wait a minute. How old are you? 114 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,389 - Twenty-one, sir. - Get in the chair. 115 00:06:35,687 --> 00:06:37,564 Mm-hmm. 116 00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:40,567 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 117 00:06:40,692 --> 00:06:43,570 - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 118 00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:46,281 Attention, all personnel, please keep working... 119 00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:48,283 during the following announcement. 120 00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:51,870 And now our boss and friend Mr. Burns. 121 00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:54,289 Hello. I'm proud to announce... 122 00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:57,292 that we've been able to increase safety here at the plant... 123 00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:59,586 without increasing the cost to the consumer... 124 00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:01,880 or affecting management payraises. 125 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,966 However, for you semiskilled workers, 126 00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:06,968 there will be no Christmas bonuses. 127 00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:10,597 - Oh, and one more thing. 128 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,599 Merry Christmas! 129 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:16,186 - Oh, thank God for the big jar. 130 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:21,483 - Where's that Bart? 131 00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:31,576 But, Mom, I thought you'd like it. 132 00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:36,164 Yes, Mrs. Simpson, we can remove your son's tattoo. 133 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,667 It's a simple routine involving lasers. 134 00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:41,086 - Cool! - However, it is rather expensive, 135 00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:43,880 and we must insist on a cash payment up front. 136 00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:46,091 - Cash? - Mm-hmm. 137 00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:49,094 Thank God for Homer's Christmas bonus. 138 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:54,474 - Ay, caramba! - Now, whatever you do, don't squirm. 139 00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:58,603 you don't wanna get this sucker near your eye or your groin. 140 00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:04,275 - Ow! Quit it. 141 00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:06,277 Ow! Quit it. 142 00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:08,279 Ow! Quit it. 143 00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:10,782 - Ow! Quit it. - Hey, what's with this? 144 00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:14,577 Ow! Quit it! Used to be a real boss tattoo. 145 00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:17,997 Mom had to spend the Christmas money having it surgically removed. 146 00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:20,792 Huh? 147 00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:24,879 It's true! 148 00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:28,675 The jar is empty! Oh, my God! 149 00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:31,094 We're ruined. Christmas is canceled. 150 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,263 No presents for anyone! 151 00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:37,100 Don't worry, Homer. We'll just have to stretch your Christmas bonus... 152 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,477 - even further this year. 153 00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:42,689 - Homer? - Oh, yeah. My Christmas bonus. 154 00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:45,483 How silly of me. 155 00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:48,570 This'll be the best Christmas yet. 156 00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:50,572 The best any family ever had. 157 00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:56,286 Hohoho. 158 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,497 Hohoho. 159 00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:03,293 Hohoho. 160 00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:07,797 Ho ho ho. 161 00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,799 Hohoho. 162 00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:16,097 Hmm. I get the feeling there's something you haven't told me, Homer. 163 00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:19,893 - Huh? Oh. I love you, Marge. - you tell me that all the time. 164 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,103 Oh, good, because I do love you. 165 00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:25,273 I don't deserve you as much as a guy with a fat wallet... 166 00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:28,193 and a credit card that won't set off that horrible beeping. 167 00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:31,488 I think it does have something to do with your Christmas bonus. 168 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,490 I keep asking for it, but-- 169 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:37,077 Marge, um, let me be honest with you. 170 00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:41,373 - Yes? - Well, I would-- 171 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,796 I-- I wanna do the Christmas shopping this year. 172 00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:50,465 Uh, sure, okay. 173 00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:57,597 Marge, Marge. Hmm. Let'ssee. 174 00:09:57,681 --> 00:09:59,891 Ooh, look! 175 00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:03,395 Pantyhose. Practical and alluring. 176 00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:06,773 A six-pack. Oh! Only 4.99. 177 00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,983 Ooh! Pads of paper. 178 00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:12,278 I bet Bart can think of a million things to do with these. 179 00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:15,782 That just leaves little Maggie. Oh, look! 180 00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,867 A little squeak toy. 181 00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:20,870 It says it's for dogs, but she can't read. 182 00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:25,000 Ow! Oh, Simpson, it's you. 183 00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:28,670 - Hello, Flanders. - Oh, my! What a mess we've got here. 184 00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:31,172 Well, which ones are yours and which ones are mine? 185 00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:34,467 - Well, let's see. - Oh, this one's mine. This one's mine. 186 00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:37,095 - This one's mine, and this-- - They're all yours! 187 00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:40,265 - Hey, you dropped your pork chop. 188 00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:43,977 - Gimme that! - Well, happy holidays, Simpson. 189 00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:48,565 - Gee, this is the best Christmas ever. - You bet. 190 00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:02,203 What's the matter, Homer? Somebody leave a lump of coal in your stocking? 191 00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:04,497 You've been sitting there, sucking on a beer all day long. 192 00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,875 - So? - So, it's Christmas. 193 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:10,670 - Thanks, Moe. 194 00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:12,672 Drinks all around! 195 00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:14,674 What's with the crazy getup, Barn? 196 00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:19,304 I got me a part-timejob working as a Santa down at the mall. 197 00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:21,264 Wow! Can I do that? 198 00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:24,184 I don't know. They're pretty selective. 199 00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:26,186 Do you like children? 200 00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:29,564 What do you mean? All the time? Even when they're nuts? 201 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:33,193 - Hmm. - Uh, I certainly do. 202 00:11:33,276 --> 00:11:35,195 Welcome aboard, Simpson. 203 00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:37,906 Pending your successful completion of our training program, that is. 204 00:11:37,906 --> 00:11:41,201 Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. 205 00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:44,204 Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. 206 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:47,374 - What is it now, Simpson? - Uh, when do we get paid? 207 00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:51,002 Not a dime till Christmas Eve! Now, from the top. 208 00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:54,964 Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. 209 00:11:55,090 --> 00:11:57,967 Um, Dasher. 210 00:11:58,093 --> 00:12:00,679 - Dancer. - Mm-hmm. 211 00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:02,889 - Prancer. - Mm-hmm. 212 00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:04,891 Nixon. 213 00:12:04,974 --> 00:12:08,269 Comet and... Cupid. 214 00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,271 - Donna Dixon? - Sit down, Simpson. 215 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,273 And what would you like, little boy? 216 00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:14,776 - You're not really Santa, tubby. - Why, you little egghead! 217 00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:17,487 No, Homer! If such an emergency arises, 218 00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:20,365 you just tell them Santa's vey busy this time of year, 219 00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:24,077 - and you are one of his helpers. - Oh, I knew that one too! 220 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,582 Homer, why are you seven hours late? 221 00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:32,585 Not a word, Marge. I'm heading straight for the tub. 222 00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,587 But, Homer, my sisters are here. 223 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,798 - Don't you wanna say hello? 224 00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:41,970 - Daddy! We're so glad to see you! - Oh, Dad, you're finally home! 225 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:45,473 What? Why? Oh, yeah. 226 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:48,184 Hello, Patty. Hello, Selma. 227 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,603 - How was your trip? - Fine. 228 00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:52,897 - you both look well. - Thank you. 229 00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:56,192 - Yeah, well, Merry Christmas. - It's Christmas? 230 00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:59,070 - you wouldn't know it around here. - And why is that? 231 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:03,199 - For one thing, there's no tree - I was just on my way out to get one! 232 00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,993 - Can we go too, Dad? - Yeah, can we? 233 00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:06,286 No! 234 00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:08,997 Sleighbells ring 235 00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:11,583 Are you listening 236 00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:14,377 In the lane 237 00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:17,005 Snow is glistening 238 00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:20,383 A beautiful sight 239 00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:23,386 We're happy tonight 240 00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:26,973 - Walking in a winter wonderland 241 00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:31,895 Hey! What do you think you're doin'? 242 00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:33,897 - Uh-oh. - Hey! Hey! 243 00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:36,066 - Come back here! 244 00:13:38,777 --> 00:13:42,072 So what do you think, kids? Beauty, isn't it? 245 00:13:42,072 --> 00:13:44,991 - Wow! Yay, Dad! - Way to go, Dad! 246 00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:48,870 - Why is there a birdhouse in it? - Uh, that's an ornament. 247 00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:51,289 Do I smell gunpowder? 248 00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:54,167 and then I want some Robotoids. 249 00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:56,378 And then I want a Goop Monster. 250 00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,380 And then I want a great big, giant-- 251 00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,382 Aw, son, you don't need all that junk. 252 00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:03,593 I'm sure you've already got something much more important-- 253 00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:08,181 a decent home and a loving father who would do anything for you. 254 00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:10,975 Hey, I couldn't afford lunch. Give me a bite of that donut. 255 00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:15,897 Get a load of that quote-unquote Santa. 256 00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:18,191 I can't believe those kids are falling for it. 257 00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,402 Hey, Milhouse, I dare you to sit on his lap. 258 00:14:20,485 --> 00:14:24,989 - I dare you to yank his beard off. - Ah, touche. 259 00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:26,991 I hope you feel better, Santa. 260 00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:29,577 Oh, I will when Mrs. Claus' sisters get outta town. 261 00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:31,579 Thanks for listenin', kid. 262 00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:35,583 Hey, Santa, what's shakin', man? 263 00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:39,379 What's your name, Bart... ner? Uh, little partner? 264 00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:42,674 - I'm Bart Simpson. Who are you? - I'm jolly Old St. Nick. 265 00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:45,176 Oh, yeah? We'll just see about that. 266 00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:47,887 D'oh! 267 00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:51,766 - Homer! - A word with you in Santa's workshop. 268 00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:55,186 - Cover for me, Elfie. - I didn't know it was you. 269 00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:57,272 Nobody knows. It's a secret. 270 00:14:57,272 --> 00:14:59,274 I didn't get my bonus this year. 271 00:14:59,274 --> 00:15:01,568 But to keep the family from missing out on Christmas, 272 00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,486 - I'd do anything. - I'll say, Dad. 273 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:06,781 you must really love us to sink so low. 274 00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:10,076 Now, let's not get mushy, son. 275 00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:12,203 I still have a job to do. 276 00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:14,205 Hey, little ones. Santa's back. 277 00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:16,291 Ho ho-- D'oh! 278 00:15:16,374 --> 00:15:19,169 Damn it to-- 279 00:15:19,294 --> 00:15:21,504 Ah, son, one day you're gonna know... 280 00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:23,506 the satisfaction of payday. 281 00:15:23,506 --> 00:15:26,885 Receiving a big fat check for a job well done. 282 00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:28,887 Simpson, Homer? Here ya go. 283 00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:33,475 Come on, son. Let's go cash this baby and get presents for-- 284 00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:36,394 Thirteen bucks? Hey, wait a minute. 285 00:15:36,478 --> 00:15:38,396 That's right. $120 gross. 286 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,398 Less Social Security, less unemployment insurance, 287 00:15:40,482 --> 00:15:42,484 - less Santa training... - Santa training? 288 00:15:42,484 --> 00:15:44,486 less costume purchase, less beard rental, less Christmas club. 289 00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:46,696 - But-- But-- - See ya next year. 290 00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:49,908 - Ohh! - Come on, Dad. Let's go home. 291 00:15:49,908 --> 00:15:51,868 Thirteen bucks? 292 00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:54,204 you can't get anything for 13 bucks. 293 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:57,290 Allright! Thirteen bigones! 294 00:15:57,374 --> 00:15:59,501 Springfield Downs, here I come! 295 00:15:59,501 --> 00:16:01,795 - What? - you heard me. 296 00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:03,797 I'm goin' to the dog track. 297 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,882 I got a hot little puppy in the fourth race. 298 00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:07,967 - Wanna come? - Sory, Barney. 299 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:11,304 I may be a total washout as a father, but I'm not gonna take my kid... 300 00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:13,682 to a sleazy dog track on Christmas Eve. 301 00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:17,477 Come on, Simpson. The dog's name is Whirlwind. 302 00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:19,979 Ten-to-one shot. Money in the bank. 303 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,981 - Uh-uh. - Ah, come on, Dad. 304 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,901 This can be the miracle that saves the Simpsons' Christmas. 305 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,903 If TV has taught me anything, 306 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,989 it's that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas. 307 00:16:30,073 --> 00:16:33,785 It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, 308 00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:35,870 it happened to the Smurfs and it's gonna happen to us. 309 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:41,001 Well, okay, let's go. Who's Tiny Tim? 310 00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:44,587 Hey, Moldy, do you think Santa will be able to find... 311 00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:47,007 ElfCounty under all this snow? 312 00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:51,803 I doubt it, Bubbles. We'll be sad little elves this Christmas. 313 00:16:51,886 --> 00:16:53,805 - Oh, no! - Oh, brother. 314 00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:55,890 - Where's your husband? - Yeah. It's getting late. 315 00:16:55,974 --> 00:16:58,601 Said he went caroling with Bart. 316 00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:02,605 We're in the money, we're in the money 317 00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:05,900 We got a lot of what it takes to get along 318 00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:08,069 I can't believe I'm doing this. 319 00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:11,197 Can we open our presents now, Dad? 320 00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:14,284 you know the tradition, son. Not till the eighth race. 321 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,578 Hey, Barney, which one is Whirlwind? 322 00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:20,582 Number Six. That's our lucky dog right over there. 323 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:23,168 He's won his last five races. 324 00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:25,670 What? That scrawny little bag of bones? 325 00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:28,381 Come on, Dad. They're all scrawny little bags of bones. 326 00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:30,884 Yeah, you're right. 327 00:17:31,009 --> 00:17:34,304 I guess Whirlwind is our only hope for a Merry Christmas. 328 00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:36,681 Attention, racing fans, we have a late scratch... 329 00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:38,683 in the fourth race. 330 00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:41,770 Number 8, Sir Galahad will be replaced by Santa's Little Helper. 331 00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:45,899 Once again, Sir Galahad has been replaced by Santa's Little Helper. 332 00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:47,984 Bart, did you hear that? 333 00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:49,986 What a name! Santa's Little Helper! 334 00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:53,907 - It's a sign! It's an omen! - It's a coincidence, Dad. 335 00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:56,993 - What are the odds on Santa's Little Helper? - Ninety-nine to one. 336 00:17:57,077 --> 00:18:02,707 Wow! Ninety-nine times thirteen equals... Merry Christmas! 337 00:18:02,791 --> 00:18:04,709 I got a bad feeling about this. 338 00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:06,670 - Don't you believe in me, son? - Uh-- 339 00:18:06,795 --> 00:18:09,798 Come on, boy. Sometimes your faith is all that keeps me going. 340 00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:14,803 Oh, go for it, Dad. 341 00:18:14,886 --> 00:18:18,682 That's my boy! Eveything on Santa's Little Helper. 342 00:18:18,682 --> 00:18:21,101 Three cheers for Brainy! 343 00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:23,687 - Hip hip hooray! - Yay! 344 00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:25,689 Unadulterated pap. 345 00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:28,274 It's almost 9:00. Where's Homer anyway? 346 00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:31,277 It's so typical of the big doof us to spoil it all. 347 00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:33,571 - What, Aunt Patty? - Oh, nothing, dear. 348 00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:35,699 I'm just trashing your father. 349 00:18:35,699 --> 00:18:37,701 Well, I wish you wouldn't... 350 00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:42,080 because aside from the fact he has the same frailties as all human belings. 351 00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:44,082 he's the only father I have. 352 00:18:44,207 --> 00:18:46,876 Therefore, he is my model of manhood, 353 00:18:47,002 --> 00:18:51,381 and my estimation of him will govern the prospects of my adult relationships. 354 00:18:51,506 --> 00:18:55,176 So I hope you bear in mind that any knock at him is a knock at me, 355 00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:59,597 and I'm far too young to defend myself against such onslaughts. 356 00:19:00,682 --> 00:19:03,893 Mm-hmm. Go watch your cartoon show, dear. 357 00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:05,895 Come on, Bart. 358 00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:08,690 Kiss the ticket for good luck, not that we need it. 359 00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:14,404 Here comes Screwy the mechanical rabbit. 360 00:19:14,404 --> 00:19:15,989 - and they're off! 361 00:19:16,072 --> 00:19:19,284 - Come on, Santa's Little Helper! - Come on, dog! Go, man, go! 362 00:19:19,284 --> 00:19:22,495 It's Whirlwind in the lane, and coming up on the left is Quadruped, 363 00:19:22,579 --> 00:19:24,706 followed by Dog O'War and Fido. 364 00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:27,792 - Go! Come on, boy! - Go! Come on, get that rabbit! 365 00:19:27,876 --> 00:19:30,378 Dog O'War coming up fast on the outside. 366 00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,505 - Come on, Santa's Little Helper! - Come on, dog! Go, man, go! 367 00:19:32,589 --> 00:19:35,800 And with a lock on last place, it's Santa's Little Helper. 368 00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:39,596 - Don't worry, Dad. 369 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,891 Maybe this is just for suspense before the miracle happens. 370 00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:46,394 - Come on, you stupid dog! Come on! - Go, go! 371 00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:48,688 - Run! Run! - Run, run! Come on, get that rabbit! 372 00:19:48,772 --> 00:19:51,483 - Go, go, Santa's Little Helper! Run! - Go, go, go! 373 00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:55,779 Whirlwind by a countrymile, second, ChewMyShoe, followed by Dog O'War. 374 00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:58,281 Oh, jeez! 375 00:19:58,281 --> 00:20:01,701 Doesn't seem possible, but I guess TV has betrayed me. 376 00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:04,287 I don't wanna leave till our dog finishes. 377 00:20:09,501 --> 00:20:11,378 Ah, forget it. Let's go. 378 00:20:20,595 --> 00:20:23,306 - Find any winners, son? - Sory, Dad. 379 00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:26,393 Hey, hey, Simpson! What'dl tell you? 380 00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:29,688 Whirlwind! Let's go, Daria. 381 00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:37,570 Beat it! Scram! Get lost! 382 00:20:37,696 --> 00:20:40,407 - you came in last for the last time! 383 00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:42,784 Look, Dad, it's Santa's Little Helper. 384 00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:45,787 And don't come back! 385 00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:48,373 Oh, no, you don't! No, no! Get away from me! Uh-uh! 386 00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:54,170 Oh, can we keep him, Dad, please? 387 00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:57,590 But he's a loser! He's pathetic! He's-- 388 00:20:59,676 --> 00:21:01,678 A Simpson. 389 00:21:04,806 --> 00:21:07,392 Hmm. Maybe I should call the police. 390 00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:10,687 - Oh, he'll sober up. - Yeah. Come staggering home. 391 00:21:10,687 --> 00:21:12,981 Mm-hmm. Smelling of cheap perfume. 392 00:21:12,981 --> 00:21:15,191 - Homer! 393 00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:17,902 - What? What the-- Who the-- - Look, eveybody, 394 00:21:17,986 --> 00:21:21,573 - I have a confession to make. - This should be good. 395 00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:24,075 I didn't get my Christmas bonus. 396 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:26,870 I tried not to let it ruin Christmas for eveybody, 397 00:21:26,995 --> 00:21:28,872 but no matter what I did-- 398 00:21:28,997 --> 00:21:32,500 - Hey, eveybody, lookwhat we got! 399 00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:35,378 A dog! All right, Dad! 400 00:21:35,503 --> 00:21:39,382 - God bless him. - So love at first sight is possible. 401 00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:42,093 And if he runs away, he'll be easy to catch. 402 00:21:42,093 --> 00:21:44,304 Oh, this is the best gift of all, Homer! 403 00:21:44,387 --> 00:21:47,098 - It is? - Yes. Something to share our love... 404 00:21:47,098 --> 00:21:49,100 and frighten prowlers. 405 00:21:49,100 --> 00:21:51,394 - What's his name? - Number 8-- 406 00:21:51,394 --> 00:21:54,189 I mean, Santa's Little Helper. 407 00:22:07,786 --> 00:22:10,497 Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer 408 00:22:10,497 --> 00:22:13,708 Had a very shiny nose 409 00:22:13,792 --> 00:22:16,586 And if you ever saw it 410 00:22:16,711 --> 00:22:19,798 - you would even say it glows - Like a light bulb! 411 00:22:19,798 --> 00:22:22,801 -Bart! - All of the other reindeer 412 00:22:22,801 --> 00:22:24,803 Used to laugh and call him names 413 00:22:24,803 --> 00:22:26,805 - Like Shnozzola! -Lisa! 414 00:22:26,805 --> 00:22:29,099 They never let poor Rudolph 415 00:22:29,182 --> 00:22:31,976 - Join in any reindeergames -Like strippoker! 416 00:22:32,102 --> 00:22:35,480 -I'm warning you two! - Then one foggy Christmas Eve 417 00:22:35,605 --> 00:22:38,608 - Santa came to say - Take it, Homer! 418 00:22:38,608 --> 00:22:42,112 Uh, Rudolph get your nose over here 419 00:22:42,195 --> 00:22:45,699 - So you can guide my sleigh today - Oh, Homer. 420 00:22:45,699 --> 00:22:48,576 Then all the reindeer loved him 421 00:22:48,576 --> 00:22:51,705 and they shouted out with glee 422 00:22:51,788 --> 00:22:54,582 Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer 423 00:22:54,708 --> 00:22:58,294 You'll go down in history 424 00:22:58,294 --> 00:22:59,879 -Like Attila the Hu-- - You little-- 425 00:23:03,591 --> 00:23:05,510 Shh.